I enjoy waking up early because it makes me feel enormously productive. | The other morning I hit the snooze button three times and pretty much felt like a failure at life.
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Once I have made a decision, I am ready to act. Right now. | It is quite possible that I am the world's worst procrastinator; getting to the whole ready-to-act point takes me an eternity.
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I am elated at my total lack of a Facebook account and that I've never succumbed to getting one. So this is freedom... | Despite my social media-deprived existence, I'm always comparing my life to other people's, and it takes me about this long to become discontent and feel left out.
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It is my heart's desire to spend as little time on the computer as I have to. | I'm on my computer writing this post.
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I have as many broken friendships in my life as anyone, but eventually I'm forced to accept it, right? Life goes on. | When no one's looking, I huddle in a corner and weep for the irreplaceable people I've lost.
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I am a master at looking/acting/dressing confident. | I'm a chronic over-thinker. I fret over details and second-guess myself and over-analyze situations like nobody's business.
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The thought of turning twenty in two months is terribly exciting; is this when I become a true-blue adult? | I do not feel mentally or emotionally mature enough to be turning twenty in two months really I'm terrified where is my mom.
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I want God to be my sole source of strength, my all in all. | Without fail, I am constantly trying to rely on human weakness.
I'm really good at letting people see what I want them to see. What I've written above is not hypocrisy, because every word is true. I just have a talent for covering up whatever makes me look less than perfect and put together. So this is my attempt at tearing away my masks, revealing the other side of the truths I exude. Here's to the beautiful and the ugly, the visible and the hidden, the real thing and the fake, the quirks Jesus gave me and the things He's nudging me to improve.
This is me. Stepping back from my masquerade.
Love it, Payton. <3
ReplyDeleteWow, you're, like, exactly like me. *hugs* (Except I'm turning twenty in eight months. So there, haha.)
ReplyDeleteI've been learning to take away the masks, too. Have you ever read 'Grace for the Good Girl'? We're going through it at my Bible study and it's been really great so far! Super encouraging. : )
Miss talking to you!!! Life can be busy sometimes. *hugs again*
-me-
I'm actually reading Grace for the Good Girl right now in my Bible time. It definitely inspired some of this post! :)
DeleteYou too, girl! ::hugs back::
Cool! Well, great minds, etc, etc. : )
Delete::hugs just cuz::
It is really easy (especially on the internet I suppose...?) to put forth the best image of yourself, or even sometimes what we would like to be for other people. But I TOTALLY get what you are saying. it is really difficult to learn how not to automatically cover up my own faults and flaws in front of other people (haha I'm still learning it, oh my wordy). But God is so good to constantly be developing our character and slowly walking us through sanctification. =)
ReplyDeleteTrue. You know sometimes the masquerade isn't a lie at all, just another part of who we are and how we think. I feel like I have this natural instinct to want my feelings to be as cut and dry and separated and understandable as they are in movies and (sometimes) in books. But we human beings are a lot more complicated than we usually admit. Great post, your honesty is beautiful.
ReplyDelete"I do not feel mentally or emotionally mature enough to be turning twenty in two months really I'm terrified where is my mom." hehe. I miss you Petieeee. and I know this feeling too. also...I recognize those photos. :)
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